Facing a shortage of criminal suspects, Lt. Dangle declares a zero-tolerance policy, only to find himself becoming the first criminal when he rear-ends a civilian's car. Fortunately, he discovers evidence of a crime in the car's trunk.
Suspected Fireworks possession Jones and Garcia go to talk to a guy named Carl about illegal fireworks. Prostitution sting Weigel goes undercover and dresses up as prostitute with no results. A.P.B robbery in progress Jones and Garcia make Jehovah witnesses get down on the ground. The deputies mess around with the fireworks they get where Dangle accidentally sets off one in the van which lights up all the fireworks which go of in the van.
Dangle and Junior try to win tickets to the Amy Grant concert off the radio by naming every Stephen Sondheim musical when they accidentally hit the back of a car (I know, Dangle seems to do that every episode.) At the morning roll call, Dangle announces that he has two passes to a public execution. The officers in the department have to be on the lookout for perps with specific features in a weird scavenger hunt. It concentrates for the rest of the episode the various ways the officers attempt to manipulate the hunt.
Garcia ends up winning by bringing in an over 6'5"" Jewish crack head with a wig and a tattoo of a bird (being Jewish was double the points.) He takes the hooker that Williams had arrested to the execution, and all the other officers flip him off as he leaves.
A drug test at the department reveals the Clemmy is with child. So, she looks for potential suiters. Garcia, being a gentleman, gives Clementine a proposition, that she refuses. Meanwhile, Deputy Johnson also babysits a sex offender around the neighborhood where he's moving in.
Garcia makes a bad racist joke around Jones leading to Jones' suspension for punching Garcia. To his dismay, Jones has to work crossing-guard duty. He later learns that crossing-guard duty is better than he thought it would be. Garcia is also affected by the incident when he has to pair up with Weigel.
Captain Dwayne Hernandez and his partner Suzy Kim drop by to train the officers in the event of a terrorist attack. The team becomes neurotic in their approach to crime when, they think of everything as a training exercise. Meanwhile, Weigel swoons over Dwayne and every man in the department swoons over his fellow homeland security officer.
Wiegel steaks out her own house by putting her dead stuffed cat on her own lawn. Her plan is to catch the kids who keep coming into her yard and playing pranks.
Jones dies and the cast watches his tape that he made just in case he did die. The tape after revealing things about everyone tells them how Jones would want them all to drink 10 shots for him.
Clementine Johnson goes to a vandalism call and finds gothic teenagers. She talks to them and tells them how there is no Satan.